While flipping between a late-night rerun of Sex & the City and a program on the Fashion Television network (tweed is in for Fall, by the way), I witnessed innumerable advertisements for no less than five different dating services. "Guh?" quoth I, at advertisement #765. "Are people truly this desperate? Bluh? Why would they pay $1.25 a minute for awkward conversation (when they could just pay for phone sex instead)? ... I mean, what?

But seriously. One ad featured a (semi) attractive 20-something woman lounging around her ultra-clean, ultra-hip apartment, excitedly phoning Random Ass Shifty Dating Service with the idea that she would be able to meet "smart, sexy, fun people!". Another introduced the idea of meeting "sexy singles" through text-messaging, of all things. How... godawful.

First of all, I cannot imagine who would fall for the idea that, somehow, all of the people using these dating services are as "sexy" as these ads claim. And secondly, what do these gullible and dimwitted people actually say to eachother when they take the plunge and waste their hard(??)-earned money?

"Hey baby, listen here. I think we gots a lot in common, you 'n' me. You're ugly, I'm ugly, whaddya say we meet up somewheres? Preferably someplace with little to no lighting."

Or, maybe, in the case with the text-message singles: "omg hi qt. im so lonley hlep :'("

Okay, I could possibly be wrong about all of this. Perhaps people really do meet great, sexy (ugh), smart "singles" (how lame does that word sound?) through these services. OR! maybe they're really happy wit--

-- no, no, they actually do just suck.