I remarked to a co-worker that I tend to clench my jaw when I am under a lot of stress.

Apparently, she clenches her ass.

I'm pretty sure earbuds are the worst invention in the history of mankind, moreso than even Hufu or, say, Carrot Top.

Following the devastating demise of my headphones (and what a long and gruesome death it was!), I was forced to use the default earbuds that came with my iPod. I was immediately dissatisified, with lack of funds being the only reason hindering my return to warm, cushioned comfort. The only time earbuds come in handy is for exercising purposes, which, let's face it, takes up about 0.1% of my daily activity.

Whose big idea was it to create these little drops of hell, anyway? First of all, earbuds are worse for your hearing because they're RIGHT UP against your cilia. Sorry, but deafness is one of the few things NOT on my "to do" list.

Also, earbuds look stupid.

But they look even more stupid when they're constantly falling out of my ears. Now, maybe I'm mistaken, but one would think that earbuds should fucking stay in a person's ears to provide ANY sort of listening enjoyment. Am I wrong? Am I? Becauseiguessicouldbewro- NO. I AM NOT WRONG. It is so, so, so, very frustrating when I am constantly fiddling with my ears as if I have fleas or some sort of tic. It is embarrassing when they loosen, drop, and suddenly everyone in the library can hear that I am listening to Celine Dion's Power Of Love. I have a reputation to maintain, people, and earbuds are just feeding me its slaughtered corpse like Atreus to Thyestes.

Let the people have their human flesh flavored tofu! Let the people continue to cast Carrot Top in annoying commercials for absolutely no reason! But somebody, SOMEBODY oh PLEASE, find a cure for earbuds before a headline reads, "Girl Hangs Herself With Earbud Noose".