My mother always tells me to stand up straight and tall when I walk, to show everyone that I have pride in myself.
But if it weren't for my slouched shoulders and downward gaze, I definitely would have stepped in a huge mound of puke today.
Looks like having no self-esteem pays off. AGAIN.
"Can you spare some change?"
I really couldn't. All I had in my pockets were plastic cards with magnetic strips. "I'm sorry, I don't have any change on me."
He looked at me straight in the eyes, perhaps to determine whether I was lying, though it actually seemed like he was trying to make sense of what I had just told him. We stared at eachother for five entire seconds. Count that. It's not a short period of time to look a homeless man in the face.
The red hand changed to a walking man and I had 25 seconds to cross the street. 24.
"Well," he said finally. "Well then I'll take your scarf." It wasn't a joke. He took part of it in his hand.
"NO," was my reply. We stared at eachother again. An image appeared: him being set aflame by my absolute fury, him running through the streets screeching in horror, him collapsing to the ground as the earth stands still around me and I laugh maniacally, him being bludgeoned by my troupe of angry super-strength wombats. He sees this in my eyes.
18 seconds. He let go and I crossed the street. It's a good thing I am secretly a furious, violent individual. Good thing for my scarf.
edit: Turns out, this is yet another event confirming that neil and I are the same.
Apartment #110 in my building belongs to M. Bonar.
Listen guys, I ain't gonna front. I laughed. A lot.
I don't know if you all have seen the newest Justin Timberlake video, What Goes Around Comes Around, but here is a summary for those of you who haven't:
- Justin and Scarlett Johanssen fall in love
- Scarlett cheats on Justin
- Scarlett DIES IN A FIREY CAR CRASH
Honestly, I didn't think I could be more impressed with Mr. Timberlake, but this video just stepped it up one more notch. Wouldn't life be so much better if things worked the way it does in that video?
You break my heart, you die.
You walk slowly in front of me and block my path, you are hit by a bus driven by Harrison Ford and then he laughs.
You sit beside me in a movie theatre and then sneeze over my shoulder, you witness your mother quietly sobbing in her home over a lost love who is not your father.
You get that job I want, someone finds the collection of child porn you have on your computer. (pervert).
You get the last double chocolate donut, YOU EXPLODE.
What the hell! I love karma. And I love Justin Timberlake.