Reasons Why Prague Is The Creepiest City Ever:

1. The walls are covered in gigantic spiders, hovering and dangling and watching from metres above just hoping for something to drop upon like a mini-bomb (but scarier). Sometimes while pulling your weight up one of the steep, steep, steep inclines here, you just want to lean against a wall. But do not, fair reader! Do not because your hands will be eaten alive by spiders bigger than your eyes.

2. Everything ticks. The walls, the cars, and the traffic lights especially. They all tick like they are counting down every second of your life, tick like a perpetual Tell Tale Heart of the City. Most terrifying is when the traffic lights start ticking even faster before they change from one color to the next, increasing the sound like yet another bomb (time bomb), about to explode. Even a monstrous metronome looms over Prague, just in case you forgot about your mortality for just one moment.

3. There are shops filled with marionettes here. FILLED. Dolls staring at you from every direction, eyes glistening with smiles so crazed and delusionally happy that you are sure they are plotting to torture and rape and murder you with those gangly wooden limbs of theirs.

4. There is a museum here called The Museum of Medieval Torture Instruments.

5. Just outside the city there is a church comprised of the bones of plague victims. Chandeliers made of skulls, fixtures made of shoulder blades. It is called an Ossuary. Awesomeuary? So true.

6. There are a lot of people here with cankles (that is to say: no ankles. Just a stump of a leg connected so grotesquely to yet another stump of a foot). Eww.